Science

I work in science and I work with scientists.  Science is about stating something, seeing if it's true, then presenting data on that.  While I did not grow up a scientist, working in this field for three years has been enlightening for this former poet, as you can imagine.

Much of this blog is anecdotal, brave and story-like.  It's what I know and feel, what's been on my mind recently making my way through recovery.

When I stumbled upon this blog, The Science of Eating Disorders, I was immediately intrigued. 

Through seeing presentations and speaking much on the biological factors going into weight and appetite restoration, I often wonder about the science of it all.  I have some questions that have not been answered, and others where the research is rich and progressive.  For example, I've learned that eating disorders can be hereditary (genes v. jeans).  I've learned a bit about the connections of EDS with other disorders such as OCD, anxiety and depression.  I'm still very curious about a lot of it, namely the physical consequences of having an ED.  I know about osteoporosis and heart issues, but what about joint and ligament damages?  Or other orthopedic trouble?

What I appreciate most about this blog and the science of it all is that it validates the eating disorder and serves to blow other myths away.  For example, there is a tie between poor body image and constantly being bombarded with images of thinness and the glamour associated with it.  However, fashion magazines do not cause eating disorders.  A struggling home life can be a factor, but again, does not cause it.  There probably will never be a "this caused my eating disorder" answer since there is so much complexity.  If there was, the chances of recovering from an ED, I believe, would be greater.  Find the cause, get rid of the cause, and there we go.

It is not that simple though, and it seems like every time I think back to my ED, I have a new reason why I have an ED.  Even putting all my reasons together doesn't seem to make a cause.  It's not a neat little thing we can group into a box.

Knowing scientifically so much has gone on in my body, and still is, takes some of the blame away.  But at the same time, it does not.  Let me explain.  When I have an off day, instead of blaming myself and berating my abilities to overcome the relapse (or just tumble), I can pinpoint other reasons or explanations as to why this happened.  I can say that this process of recovery is hard because it's not just "getting over it" as so many assume to be the solution, particularly us with EDNOS who don't appear sick or struggling necessarily.  However, at the same time, I do have to take responsibility for my actions to ensure I have a successful recovery.  I can't just blame science because in the end, blaming is not really an action, but rather a stopping point.

I have written on here before about biological evidence of eating disorders and how at one point, I felt that I had some evidence of my eating disorder, and how right now, I do not, despite still struggling.  But a lot of the evidence is hidden, or unapparent.  Or perhaps there is evidence I have not yet discovered - or rather, scientists have not yet discovered.  And what about this evidence?  Would it make me feel better?  Worse?  Would it depend on where I am in recovery?

Thinking back to considering myself a non-scientist but working in science, I've come to realize the juxtaposition on feelings and data (evidence).  Science is about the data, not the feelings.  But, the feelings matter in EDs.  Data and emotion want to fight, but with the EDs, a strong marriage exists.