Many people have an idea (false idea) of what an eating disorder looks like, or perhaps what I looked like when I was really in my ED. At the same token, I'm starting to believe that many people, or big brother, or whoever, have any idea what I mean by recovery - and it is still not correct.
First, let's tackle Big Brother, who thinks he knows what is going on but really does not. You know when you're on a site with advertising and based on things you buy, write or post - ads pop up in the corner according to your supposed preferences. Through my recovery - buying books, posting articles - I've gotten advertising that first started with weight loss diets to ones that now advertise plus sized clothing. I am not dieting and while I support all sizes, I am not confined to sizes in the "plus" category (whatever that means). Apparently recovery means I will be large and according to Big Brother, it's a bad thing. Neither are necessarily true, of course.
But what is getting me more confused are suggestions and topics brought forth by other people. Now granted, not having an ED puts one at a disposition to have no clue what could be triggering, harming or just plain stupid. I get that, and I try hard not to get upset about it. However, from things I say and post, to me I think it would be obvious.
For example, books and movie suggestions sorta crack me up. And I'm talking everything from mindful eating (to lose weight, not just mindful eating) to why junk food and GMOs are so bad. Or, my favorite, when I am asked for weight loss tips!
Maybe I am not making myself clear, and that's ok. But, here is what I think in a nutshell:
I don't consider any food bad. From non-organic apples, or organic bananas to processed TV dinners. I certainly don't think carbs are the devil and I won't die from eating beef raised with hormones. Now, surely I prefer some food over others, and I won't be eating frozen meals anytime soon, but I'm quite done swearing off foods from my "don't eat" list.
Along these lines, this doesn't mean I advocate only eating what people may refer to as "junk food". Eating only "healthy" or only "junk" are two extremes, neither are good in isolation. I advocate people eating the piece of cake and not feeling bad about it, which this could mean the next day, you don't really want cake because you had it yesterday. Or you do want cake and you eat it again. The thing with balanced eating is that your body tells you when to not have cake anymore. Really, it does! Just the other day I wanted a salad - no, like, I actually *wanted* a salad. I haven't truly wanted a salad in probably all my life; I just ate them because it was the thing I allowed myself to eat. Craving that salad meant my body was saying "please, fresh food!" or there was some nutrients in what I ate that my body needed that day. So I ate it and felt great - no questions asked.
I think all sizes are beautiful. If you're a size 0 naturally, then that is your body. Skinny is not bad in it's natural form. Neither is average or fat. It's when the natural state is messed with to achieve something else that is unrealistic, I have a problem with that. Note - I do not have a problem with someone who wants to become more athletic, gain some muscle and stamina. Those are healthy things, in moderation, with admirable goals. Hell, I am lifting weights at the gym to be strong, and sometimes I do a little bicep curl in front of the mirror at home for giggles. What I have a problem with is trying to manipulate your natural form so much that it becomes a prison, so much that checking out your bicep becomes a gauge for your day, or for your life.
Lastly, I am hear for anyone who wants to talk about their food and body issues. This is a conversation to sort out how we feel about shit, not how I did it, meaning get so thin or why I think your new diet is failing. I'll admit, it's been quite some time since someone has looked up to me in this regard, but it still shook me up. Trust me, you don't want weight loss tips from someone with an ED, unless you want some underlying tips about feeling like crap, depressed.. etc. I can guess it is similar to asking an alcoholic what their favorite bar or drink is.
I realize the public has been misinformed about EDs for, well, forever. It's not anyone's fault, but what can I - or we do to get rid of the stereotypes? To recognize eating disorders are the most deadly of mental illnesses?
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