Thanksgiving

Probably not shocking to learn that holidays are super tough for those who struggle with food and body image.

First, there's the food.  While holidays aren't about the food, they sorta are, right?  Thanksgiving is built around one big meal.  Other holiday parties involve an endless sea of culinary creations. Among this is another distant cousin of food - alcohol, which when mixed with EDs, eating and family stress can be a recipe for disaster.

But aside from the food - the big meals, the worry over calories, richness, fullness, is something else that may be even harder to combat, and that is the social aspect of all these gatherings.  Some of these are simple holiday parties among colleagues or friends of friends.  Then, there are your relatives.

Navigating family and those closest to us can be the most challenging.  When holidays are about the food, or at least centering around it, it's a hard conversation to avoid.  Someone will inevitably make a comment about how fattening the food may be.  Or how one must "burn it off" the next day.  Or someone will speak to how this will ruin their current diet, how they are doing everything to can to avoid holiday weight gain.  On a related note, whether or not someone knows you're struggling with ED-like tendencies, you may be on the receiving end of comments like "go ahead, have more pie!" or "you already had two pieces" or any other unsolicited comment about what you are or are not eating.  Also, "you look so good, have you lost weight?" and "you're thin, you're allowed to eat that" can come flying at our heads like footballs. None of these comments makes anyone feel good, so why do we keep hurling them?

It's incredible to think how much people care about what we are eating and what we look like.  How is this in any way being thankful and really getting into the spirit of Thanksgiving?

This year, I'm not stressing about Thanksgiving dinner.  In fact, I've barely thought about it until writing this blog post, which is mind boggling.  Even up to last year, I still felt like I needed some prep to navigate the day but now I know it will be alright. I know I may eat a lot, I may drink more than normal and should this happen, I will be left feeling pretty full, which my ED can trick me into feeling I am fat and gained a ton of weight.  I might gain a couple pounds, sure.  This may happen and that's scary to think about, but knowing my body, it will bounce back without intense restriction or exercise.  It just will, like that.  The same thing with the Halloween candy that we're all told not to eat - it does not cause long lasting weight gain.  It's something meant to be fun, temporary and it will be in the past just like all the other days we eat.

Or, I might not eat a lot - I really don't know.  Why?  Not because I want to restrict, but because it's just another day with food - it's not a big deal anymore.  Sure, the meal is bigger and the timing is off, but I'm not thinking about the food.   The fact I allow myself big meals when I want, or small meals, or broken up meals, ensures that I won't binge because this meal is really nothing special when you think about it.  If I wanted pumpkin pie all along, I would have had it.  Same with stuffing, potatoes, any of those foods - I don't make myself wait until Thanksgiving to have them.  Perhaps this makes the meal less special, and sure it can feel like that but for a day that we tell ourselves it is not about the food, isn't this the point? 

Social wise, I'm fortunate to be going to a place I don't expect to be too triggering.  Still, I can be on guard and realize that I am in a good spot and no one else can ruin that (even my ED!)

For this Thanksgiving, my advice to everyone is this: enjoy the food - and get into it if you want - try new recipes if you're hosting, or eat new foods if you're visiting.  Be mindful when you eat, or not so mindful.  Have a couple pieces of pie, or none.  Do what you want to do and remember the other things happening that day:  The parade.  Football games (or the dog show!)  Go outside if it's nice, or play in the snow if that's where you live.

In short, it's a day of thanks, but it's just another day.  For those not in a great spot, support yourself with ones who care - the ones who won't make comments about your food or your appearance, but rather those who will listen if you have a tough time this year.  And this goes for after Thanksgiving too - sometimes the day after can be just as hard.  Find the support outlets who get it and ask them to be a shoulder to cry on.  Give thanks to them and all the recovery work that has happened up to this point.