body love

Do I really have to love my body?  I mean, really, do I?

Through recovery, it has been assumed that the ultimate goal - the benchmark to express that I am Capital R Recovered is that I have to love my body.  Without it, I am still in ED. 

I'm starting to wonder if I need to let up on this benchmark, or perhaps ignore it all together.  Or, lean away from it a bit. 

The more I read about recovery, I am discovering, well, let's just say... many things.  There are the superstars of recovery - they state how they love their bodies, they don't think about ED or even think about getting the urge and they have attained a physical look that is socially acceptable and let's honest - easier to have in our world.  They are what we should be aspiring to, yes?

But what about those who kinda sorta go in and out of this?  Can we be recovered and have a bad day?  Can I wake up one morning and just not love my body?  Don't others? 

I'm not sure if I could ever love my body.  Love is a strong term and one I can replace with many other well suited adjectives.  For example, I can respect my body - feed it when it wants to be fed (and what it is craving), wear comfortable clothing that makes me feel stylish, exercise it and give it rest accordingly.  I can appreciate my body - when I am able to lift a heavy bag of groceries, or walk to get somewhere - and with my chronic foot issues, those days I am able to walk without pain, you bet I am appreciating my body!  Most of all, I can be simply ok with my body - I can like the things it does, but I can also not like the things it does sometimes, like when I get sick, or when my foot is having a flare-up day.  I can be ok with how it looks some days, and others I can be not ok with that.  And some days, I won't think much about my body because it just is, and those are the days I quite honestly feel most recovered. 

Our bodies present us with a relationship, and like any relationship, it's going to be a challenge.  Relationships have off days, fights, struggles and tears.  They can also be joyous, full of love, fun and most of all the base of our lives.  Our bodies are the utmost base and we rely on them for everything.  They get us places, they show emotion.  They break down and put people off sometimes.  They can look (socially acceptably) awesome and sometimes they just don't. 

Sometimes there is love, and sometimes there is not.  But it is our being, and it is not going away, so just recognizing that and doing the best we can sure feels like a recovered state to me.