Variety

My local grocery store has take home meals in a pinch in case you forgot to get something out, or you're in a hurry on a particular night.  My husband and I would sometimes get these meals.  For under $10 a pop, you could get a meat (or vegetarian equivalent), veggie and starch - all mix and match.

Whenever we did this years ago, I would make sure to get the fish, the lightest starch side and vegetable.  If there wasn't a "light" starch to choose from, it was double veggie night.  Since the store was so kind as to offer the calories right on the food label, I got a good workout in practicing my mental math for the night.

It's been a while since we've eaten the take home meals, but just last night on our way home from an emotional play about eating disorders at my local ED outreach place, we stopped at the grocery store.  We both were in the mood for sub sandwiches so that's what we got.  I ordered first, and I ordered what I wanted (even mayo and cheese!)

While my husband was ordering his sub, I peered over to the take out meals next to the counter.  I immediately was struck with the variety in the case - mini pot pies, pulled pork, so many different kinds of potatoes, broccoli, beans, friend food and yes, my beloved fish.  I made a mental note to tell my husband how much more variety the grocery store was now offering.

Then, I thought again.  The size of the case hadn't changed, or even the location.  Taking a step back, I noticed it looked just as full as it always had.  So what was different?

It wasn't that the store was offering more food, but rather I was seeing more food.  When you're not obsessed with calories and what looks the most "diety" in front of you, you can see all the food.  And it all looks good.  My eyes saw what my ED hadn't allowed me to eat for such a long time.

Having normal eating patterns has been so fascinating.  When I first started on recovery, I probably went through a period of near-binging since I was supposed to put on weight and eat enough calories to sustain my young, active body and mind.  I ate a lot, and it was hard, and I hated it and sometimes I just fell back to my old habits of "mild restricting", also known as watching what I eat, also know as Monday through Friday eat only "good" food and on the weekends you can be "bad".  Also known as way too much time spent on thinking about food!  I no longer have this schedule.  I allow myself cookies on a Monday.  It's fine to have a salad on the weekends.  Wine with my meal on a Wednesday is ok.  Going to bed early on Friday night because I am tired and don't feel like going out?  That's cool too.  Fortunately, through hard work with my nutritionist, I try my best to eat all the food groups regularly - veggies and fruits, grains and dairy, and the "bad stuff too" which I'm slowly recognizing as just food.

Same with the take out case.  Those mini pot pies were so cute, I probably would have gotten one if it weren't for the subs!  And I might have even ordered the broccoli too, just because it sounded good. I could choose from the entire case and it wasn't because it was a certain day of the week.